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The ultimate goal of life: make yourself happier _ Hamburg

Release Time:2021-07-30 Topic:The ultimate perception of a stock trader Reading:183 Navigation:Stock Liao information > Culture > The ultimate goal of life: make yourself happier _ Hamburg phone-reading

We can always be happier. No one can be very satisfied and wantless at all times. Rather than asking yourself if you are happy, it is better to explore a more helpful question: "How can I be happier?"

This question not only fits the essence of happiness, but also indicates happiness. It is an uninterrupted process that requires long-term pursuit, not a period that can be ended.

For example: I am happier now than five years ago; I also hope that, 5 years later, I will be happier than I am now.

Remember:

"Making yourself happier" should be our lifelong goal.

To obtain a way to make ourselves happier, first of all, we should understand the four happiness models of life.

Two. Four happiness models of life

Every time before the competition, I strictly control my diet. But every time the game is over, I will eat junk food for two days to reward my endurance to "eat".

So, as soon as the competition is over, I will go straight to my favorite burger restaurant and buy four burgers in one go. As I left the counter, I deeply understood how Pavlov’s experimental dog felt when he heard the bell.

But just as I sat down and couldn’t wait to tear the first burger wrapper and put The moment it was placed to my mouth, I suddenly stopped.

This is what I have been thinking about for a month! I tried hard to think about why this was. At that time, the so-called "happiness model" was formed in my mind. I prefer to call it the "hamburger model".

Looking at the four hamburgers in front of me, I thought of four hamburger models-each hamburger has its own uniqueness, which happens to represent four different Life attitude and behavior pattern.

1. Hedonistic type

The first type of burger is the first one I picked up The burger, although it tastes attractive, is standard junk food. Eating it is equivalent to enjoying the happiness of the present, but it lays pain for the future.

Selling a happy life in the future in order to have fun in time, such a person can be called a "hedonistic type". The motto of "hedonism" is "play happiness in time and avoid suffering." They pay attention to the happiness in front of them, but ignore any negative consequences that their actions may bring.

They believe that a fulfilling life is to continuously satisfy their various desires. As long as the things in front of you make you happy, it is worth doing. It is precisely because they only value what is in front of them, short-term happiness is very likely to make them lose their minds and jump into the abyss of desire.

The fundamental mistake of hedonists is to equate effort with pain, pleasure and happiness.

There is such a study:

Under the premise that basic needs are met, psychologists pay some college students, which is unique to them The requirement is that nothing can be done.

After 4 to 8 hours, these college students began to feel frustrated. Although the income from participating in the research is very substantial, they would rather give up participating in the experiment and choose jobs with high pressure and low income.

On the premise that basic needs are met, the heartPhysicians pay some college students, and the only requirement for them is that they can't do anything.

After 4 to 8 hours, these college students began to feel frustrated. Although the income from participating in the research is very substantial, they would rather give up participating in the experiment and choose jobs with high pressure and low income.

Mihari Cikson Mihai has devoted his life to the study of peak experience and peak performance. He once said, "

The best moment of mankind is usually in the pursuit of a certain In the course of the goal, the time when one's own strength is fully displayed. "The life of a hedonist is completely free of challenges, so it is impossible to achieve happiness.

John Gardner, the former Secretary-General of the United States Department of Health, Education and Welfare, also said, "Whether in valleys or mountains, we are born to climb hard, not to indulge. Pleasure."

A person who indulges himself will always get bored and unhappy quickly, repeating this cycle without making any changes. Therefore, they cannot obtain happiness.

2. Busy and running type

The second burger tastes very poor, but inside It is full of vegetables and organic food. Eating this type of burger can ensure your health in the future, but it makes it very painful for the eater to eat. This type of people is the opposite of the "hedonistic type". They only pursue the happiness of the future and bear the pain of the present.

I call this type of people "busy type." This kind of people think that all efforts at this moment are to achieve future goals, and the painful process is the only way to obtain future happiness.

In reality, there are a large number of such people. What are the reasons? In fact, the main reason is that our culture has created this belief: if the grades are excellent, the parents will reward us; if the work performance is good, we will get a bonus.

As a result, we are used to paying attention to more ambitious goals, but not caring about the feelings of the moment, which leads to a lifetime of blind pursuit.

We never get rewards for enjoying the process. We believe that achieving the goal is the standard for measuring everything. Once the goal is reached, we often interpret our relaxed mood as happiness, as if the harder the work, the stronger the sense of happiness after success.

When we have this illusion, we can't help but succumb to this way of life. It is undeniable that this kind of relief makes us feel real happiness, but it is by no means the same as happiness, it is just a "happiness illusion."

This illusion comes from the elimination of stress and anxiety, and cannot be maintained for a long time, because it is incompatible with

Symbiosis of negative emotions. It's like a person who has a headache, he will be happy that the headache is gone.

"Busy and running" people mistakenly believe that success is happiness, and firmly believe that relaxation and relief after the goal is achieved is happiness, so they keep running from one goal To another goal.

Recall, have you ever been busy living a life at a certain stage?

3. Nihilism type

The third type Burgers are the worst, neither tasty nor healthy. If you eat it, not only will you not be able to enjoy the delicious food now, but it will also affect your health in the future.

Similar to this, there is a kind of people who have lost hope and desire for life. They neither enjoy what they have in front of them, nor do they have any hope for the future. I call it a "nihilist". Psychologist Martin Segliman calls this mentality "

learned helplessness".

In his research, Seligman divided the experimental dogs into three groups. In the three-floor charging room, the first group of experimental dogs were lightly shocked, and there was a switch next to them, and the shock could be stopped by just touching them. The second group of experimental dogs also suffered electric shocks, but they had no way to prevent the electric shocks. The third group of experimental dogs is completelyNo electric shock was received.

After a while, all the dogs were confined in a large box with a short railing on the side of the box, and then the experimenter began to give them light electric shocks.

The first group (a dog who had been shocked but learned to operate the switch to stop the shock) and the third group (dogs who have not been shocked) quickly jumped out of the railing; the second group (dogs that were unable to stop the electric shock before) just wailing in place, these dogs are victims of "learned helplessness".

In a similar experiment, Seligman asked two groups of subjects to listen to noise. The first group of subjects had a way to stop the noise, while the second group of subjects could not stop the noise.

After that, he played the noise to the two groups again. This time everyone has a way to stop the noise, but the second group of subjects in the previous experiment was indifferent. The reason It is "learned helplessness."

Seligman’s experiment proved that

people are very easy to fall into a state of "learned helplessness". So when we fail or are helpless, we often choose to give up and even feel hopeless.

In fact, "busy", "hedonistic" and "nihilistic" people all make the same mistake, which is to insist on their own prejudice against happiness .

"Busy running type" believes in "achievement fallacy", that is, only after achieving a valuable goal can happiness be achieved; p>

The problem with "hedonism" lies in "happiness first", thinking that as long as you continue to enjoy short-term happiness, you can get happiness even if you fail to achieve your goals;

As for the "nihilism type", it is a fallacy in itself. It is a complete misunderstanding of the reality, thinking that no matter what you do, you can't get happiness. This type of people is the most pitiful, because they even the first two The limited happiness in the fallacy cannot be felt.

Fortunately, the above three types are not all of our choices. Don't forget, there is a hamburger.

4. Feel the happiness type

the fourth The burger is as delicious as the first burger and as healthy as the second burger. I call it the "sentimental happiness type".

Those who are truly happy can not only enjoy what they are doing, but through their current behavior, they can also have a more satisfying future.

They never ask themselves "whether they should enjoy the happiness of the present or the happiness of the future", but "how can they enjoy the happiness of the present and the happiness of the future".

Of course, the immediate and future benefits are sometimes in conflict. In some cases, it is indeed easy for us to lose sight of the other. But

In most cases, the present and future happiness can be balanced.

For example: a student who loves learning can enjoy the happiness of creation in the process of learning, and this happiness can also help him achieve good grades and benefit in the future . It's the same with falling in love. The two enjoy the beauty of love together and help each other grow and develop.

Similarly, when we are engaged in a career that we love, whether it is business, medicine or art, we can also make career progress while enjoying the process.

But one thing to keep in mind:

If you try to be happy forever, it may only lead to failure and disappointment.

Not everything can bring us happiness now and in the future. Sometimes, we do need to sacrifice a little happiness in exchange for the realization of the goal, and some are flat.Light or trivial pay is unavoidable.

It’s like studying for exams, saving money for the future, and working overtime to achieve a goal. These will bring a little unpleasantness, but it can indeed help us in Benefit in the future.

The point is that even if we have to sacrifice some immediate happiness, we must not forget that we can still discover as much as possible from all aspects of life that can bring happiness to the present and the future. action.

Through the above text, you will find:

"Busy running type" is the slave of the future, and "hedonistic type" is now The “nihilistic type” is the slave of the past. Only the "happiness perception type" can feel happiness and enjoy happiness.

The "busy type" is the slave of the future, the "hedonistic type" is the slave of the present, and the "nihilism type" is the slave of the past. Only the "happiness perception type" can feel happiness and enjoy happiness.

The following figure explains the current and future benefits of the four types. The vertical axis represents the future, upward is a positive impact, and downward is a negative impact; the horizontal axis represents the present, the right is a positive impact, and the left is a negative impact.

Can we achieve real happiness, can we be happier? The answer depends entirely on how you choose.

3. How to make yourself happier?

1. Form a habit

We develop Get used to, and then be made up by the habit. Although it is often difficult to develop a habit, it is relatively easy to maintain an established habit.

The best athletes have their own habits: they know when to train on the ground, then do physical training in the gym, and finally do stretching and relaxation exercises.

For athletes, good athletic performance is the most concentrated expression of their value, so they are willing to develop good habits in training.

For most people, brushing their teeth twice a day is a habit and does not require strong willpower. Because health is very important to most people, they actively brush their teeth in the morning and evening every day.

We need to use the same model to develop a new habit, that is, behavioral inertia. Once the habit is formed, the rest is very simple.

So, what kind of habits can make you happier? What kind of changes do you want in your life? For example: exercise three times a week, meditate for 15 minutes every morning, watch two movies a month, read some interesting readings the next day...

Don't have too many habits, one or two is enough; in addition, don't try to form new habits until the habits are fixed.

As Tony Schwartz said, "Slight progress is better than ambitious but failed failure... Don't worry that success will become bigger and bigger like a snowball." Your happiness will be like a snowball.

Once you have confirmed the content of the new habit, include them in your plan first, and push it forward every day until you form a habit. If we do not turn some activities into habits and rules, the result of whatever we do is often not a natural act, but a passive life. How many people have you seen who have a passive life and are extremely happy?

In a planned and regular life, we can properly arrange time to provide time guarantee for better exploring our autonomy and creativity. More importantly, we can perfectly combine autonomy and creativity with this habitual behavior to make the results even better.

When you form a variety of habits, when you bring you countless beautiful changes because of the habit formation, you naturally I will feel more and more happier.

2. Express gratitude

People who are grateful often have a stronger immune system. And you have to increase your sense of happiness, and you must also learn to be grateful, both to the world and to the surroundings.

Research shows that people who write down the things worthy of gratitude every day (write down at least 5 things worthy of gratitude every day) span> is indeed healthier physically and happier inside.

These things worthy of gratitude can be big or small, from a good meal to a chat with a friend, from daily tasks to an interesting idea, you can write Come down.

If you keep recording every day, you may repeat some things, which is great. The point is, apart from repetition, in order to keep your emotional experience fresh, please write them down each time while imagining the experience and feelings at that time.

When gratitude becomes a habit, we will cherish the beautiful moments in life more than we take them for granted. & ". Just like when we put money in the bank, it will increase in value and interest. When we record the things that are worthy of gratitude every day, the value they bring to us is also constantly increasing.

Want to be happy? Want to be happier? Start by expressing gratitude.

3. Set goals for self-harmony

People who pursue the goal of self-congruence are usually not only more successful, but also happier than others. Ask yourself what you really want to do in life, such as personal relationships or career planning. Indicate the following under each goal:

① Long-term goals

This refers to the base-based goals, starting from Anything from 1 to 30 years is fine. This should be some challenging goals that will allow you to realize your potential.

This goal is set to allow us to enjoy the happiness of the journey and to stimulate our own potential. Realization is the second priority.

② Short-term goals

This part is formulated for classification and digestion of long-term goals. In order to achieve your long-term goals, what are you going to do in this period of time?

③ Action plan

In the days to come, what do you need to do to help achieve your goals? Draw up a schedule for yourself, whether it is daily or weekly (the habit you will develop) or one-time.

If we don’t set clear goals for ourselves, we will be easily influenced by the outside world and pursue goals that are difficult to achieve self-consistent state.

We exist in this world, always facing two choices, passively affected by external factors, or actively create our own lives.

After setting self-harmony goals, I have another suggestion:

Set up your happiness board.

The members of this board are those who care about you and your happiness and have an important influence on your happiness People. Let them monitor your plan and give timely advice. At the same time, you have to meet with them often to discuss what is going well, where more effort is needed, and which projects may need improvement, and so on.

Keep your promiseIt is not easy to stick to your goals. It takes time to develop this habit and inertia, which is why many people fail, and getting help from others is very helpful for change.

Of course, you can also become a member of the happiness board of others, so that you can not only help yourself, but also help others: while assisting others in pursuing the ultimate wealth, you can unknowingly It can also strengthen your own pursuit of happiness.

When we tell others about the importance of happiness and remind them to pursue meaningful and happy activities, we ourselves will be more motivated to do such things, and Will get more happiness because of it.

4. Stay enthusiastic

Passion is happiness Power. In Hebrew, work (avoda) and slave (eved) The two words have the same origin , The vast majority of people work for life, even when the livelihood is not a problem, instinct still directs us to work: our mission is to pursue happiness, and for happiness we must work.

However, neither life needs nor social regulations can prevent us from experiencing true freedom. Only in a life where the joy and meaning of our own choice coexist, can we feel freedom.

Whether we can find freedom from work depends on whether we are willing to be controlled by material wealth, the expectations of others, or driven by our own emotions and enthusiasm.

It is said in the Bible that

An answer will be available when you ask questions. Therefore, before making such a decision, we should first ask ourselves some questions. Only when we begin to question ourselves can we explore and conquer ourselves, and then can we see some things we couldn't see before, and discover some previously blocked roads.

After listing some specific questions, we can challenge our assumptions and traditional ways of thinking:

Am I happy at work? ?

How can I be happier?

Will I quit my job for a happier and more meaningful job?

If I can’t leave, is there any way to make my current job happier?

Am I happy at work?

How can I be happier?

Will I quit my job for a happier and more meaningful job?

If I can’t leave, is there any way to make my current job happier?

In some jobs, in order to strive for happiness, we can make appropriate adjustments to the work. Of course, making a determination to make changes at work, or looking for a new job may be scary, but a job that can't bring you any happiness beyond your subsistence, it should indeed change.

Actually,

It takes courage to make a change, and courage does not mean that there is no fear, but to feel fear while still Put it into action.

Generally speaking, we usually work harder on the things we are interested in. Without enthusiasm, our motivation will be weakened. With enthusiasm, not only the motivation is firm, but also the efficiency It will also improve a lot.

So, in order to be happier, try to find your passion and put it into action.

Fourth, happiness is everywhere

In fact, any happy life is by no means a major event , A happy life is accumulated, whether it is those unforgettable experiences or moments.

If we want to have a happy life and realize the potential of pursuing ultimate wealth, we should first accept the concept of "living in the present", that is, to pay attention to those in daily life. Details, those common and ordinary little things, for example, we canGain meaning and happiness from getting along with relatives, learning new knowledge, and work tasks.

The more these happy things in daily life, the happier we will naturally be. The point is:

From now on!

All progress begins with reading:

Recommended book: "The Way of Happiness" published by Machinery Industry Press.

About the author: Taylor Ben-Shahar, Harvard University Heart Master of Science, Philosophy and PhD in Organizational Behavior, known as "the most popular mentor" at Harvard, in recent years specializes in individuals and organizations in advantage development, self-confidence, and leadership Improve research.

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Label group:[Gratitude education] [final goal] [Learned helplessness] [Hedonism

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